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Every now and then I find myself caught off
guard by what God is asking of me and where He is asking me to
do it. Matt and I were having breakfast one morning in
Guatemala City. I excused myself to the ladies room. I walked
into the restroom only to find a cleaning women who had her
back turned to me. Nothing remarkable about her - nothing that
stood out good or bad. I proceeded to enter the stall when I
had the strangest feeling about this woman. It was like I
jumped into her skin and could feel every bit of her emotional
pain. The thought popped into my head "tell her that God knows
what she is going through and wants to know her personally."
During the next 30 seconds that it took me to finish, I
debated whether God was telling me to do something or I was
simply having a random passing thought. Either way, I had
decided that there was absolutely no way I was going to approach
a random cleaning lady and tell her I had a message for her from
God.
I returned to the table and told Matt about my
experience with the nameless, faceless, woman in the bathroom.
We paid the bill and started to leave the restaurant. Half way
into the parking lot I suddenly began to cry for this woman
- this time certain that I was suppose to find the woman and
give her a message from God and absolutely certain that I did
not want to do it.. (just to clarify, in case there was any
doubt, I don't typically cry over strangers and I certainly
don't approach them with messages from God.) Matt, my voice of
reason told me to go back in and talk to the woman - that if
God was asking me after all, then who am I to say no? If He
wasn't asking then I've just lost my mind and need medication.
With a wave of nausea, I pulled myself together,
walked back into the restaurant, back to the bathroom, hoping
and praying that I won't find her. Sure enough, there she was
still cleaning the bathroom. I see her, smile at her and say
hi. I started to cry again. I told her that I had to come
find her because for what ever reason I needed to tell her
that God knows the pain she is going through right now and that
He wants to know her personally. She looks at me as though she
has seen a ghost and starts to cry, hugs me and thanks me. At
that point 3 ladies walk in to bathroom. The cleaning woman
thanks me again and I leave. Ahhhh, I did it.. I felt the
weight of her pain had been lifted (at least from my shoulders).
I will never know for certain whether the
thought and feeling that came over me was in fact from
God - although it was so out of character for me that I believe
it was. I will probably never know anything more about that
woman. What God chooses to do with that "message" is up to
Him. In hind site, it seems as though God was asking me if I
would be willing to be obedient even when it felt totally
strange and uncomfortable. In that moment, I became so
acutely aware of my pride and my conditional willingness to
serve. I became aware that I am willing to serve God when its
on my terms, when its something that I want to do and when it
falls within my comfort zone. I was far less willing when I
feared looking like a freak.
Someone later asked me how I might have felt had
I not returned to find the cleaning woman. I think I would have
felt like I had been summoned before the king and asked to serve
and I turned down the opportunity. I'm sorry King, I’m just
not comfortable with what you’ve asked me to do, but do call
again sometime.
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