As some of you are aware, Itzmar is a man who works with us here in Guatemala. On August 15th,  his daughter-in-law and 8 year old grand-daughter and 6 year old grandson were in a head on collision with a chicken bus.  Both his daughter-in-law and his grand-daughter were killed in the car accident.   After the accident, his grandson (Pedro) was taken to the state hospital in Solola  (a government run hospital in rural Guatemala)  Pedro was stable but the hospital would not (or could not) perform an ultrasound to check for internal injuries.  The next  morning we took Pedro from the hospital in Solola and drove him to a private clinic in Santa Cruz del Quiche where he received an ultrasound.  The ultrasound showed small pockets of fluid in his abdomen.  A subsequent ultrasound the following morning showed that the fluid was increasing.  He was then flown to Guatemala City where he received a cat scan.  The cat scan showed that there was a lesion on his liver that was causing the fluid (bleeding).  Currently, Pedro is stable and is back at home with his dad.  Pedro told his dad that he is thankful to God that his dad wasn’t with them in the car, because he knows his dad would have been in the front seat and his sister would have been in the back seat with him  (Pedro).  He knows that  then he and his sister would have been orphaned. As Matt and I watched this six-year old little boy lying in the back seat of our car, our hearts absolutely broke knowing the pain that awaits him.   

While Matt and I feel very at home in Guatemala and rarely experience fear as a result of living here, Itzmar’s tragedy prompted my concerns over things such as life insurance and emergency contacts.  Some things in Guatemala, such as government corruption, poor driving conditions, crime, and sub-standard medical care are just a part of living here and generally don’t bother me, but seeing Izmar’s little grandson provoked a fear in me—a feeling of vulnerability.  In the last week, I have frantically put together lists of  our emergency contacts, our hospitals of choice … I’ve tried to get everything in order just in case.   As missionaries living outside of the United States, we are disqualified  from getting life insurance. As missionaries on support, its hard to have enough for savings.  We are obligated to participate in health insurance at  approximately $700 month but if we were to have a head-on collision with a bus while in Guatemala, our health insurance would be of little use to us. It became almost comical as I tried to bring order and control to the natural chaos that is a part of living in Guatemala.   The recent tragedy made me stop and take notice of the comfort and security we’ve given up in coming to Guatemala.  As I obsessed in my fears, I had the realization  that all we have to lean on is God’s sovereignty.  Isn’t that where he wants us? In 2 Cor. 12:9, Paul writes, “But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

 While perhaps it is a natural tendency to want to protect ourselves from our environment and our circumstances and gain a sense of control, ultimately our safety and security, our very lives are a gift of God. Our sense of control needs to come from our absolute vulnerability and dependence on a sovereign God.  Do I really have a sense of being dependent on God’s provision and His daily bread or am I dependent on the allusion of the comfort and security of my own making? There are countless stories in the Old Testament where God reminds His chosen people of his sovereignty and provisions for them. He was training His people to be totally dependent on Him. 

  “When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you.  Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and decrees that I am giving you this day.  Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase all you have multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.  He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions.  He brought you water out of hard rock.  He gave you manna to eat in the desert something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you.  You may say to yourself, `My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.’ But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who give you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today” Deuteronomy 8:10-17

It is not our effort but God who provides for us.  Its easy to forget that when we have plenty.  While our surroundings and conditions here at time brings me discomfort and concern for our future, it makes me absolutely dependent on God.  God is our refuge.  “Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Matthew 6:25-27.

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